Tuesday, 3 February 2009

GIRL AFRAID

My man is out grocery shopping so I have some me-time.
I'm grooming myself and listen to The Smiths, which made
me think of myself back in the days. Not good...
I don't know if I should feel sorry for the girl I used to be
or feel sick over the ways she acted and hope she never
end up like that ever again.
The girl that I used to be had no control over herself and
couldn't help being hurtful and destructive towards others
and herself.
The girl was afraid and didn't want to be alive, I wear the
ugly scars as a constant reminder of that...

The hell I went through has proven to be rewarding.
The man of my dreams found me and never gave up on me,
he encouraged me not to look back but to look forwards,
He supports me in everything I do but tell me what I can
do better and he keep me on a realistic level.

I'm turning 30 this year and that will be the end of a very
destructive decade for me, even though I haven't hurt
myself in a very long time, and I'm really looking forward
to a better future, a better future as myself.

8 comments:

Elina said...

Lovely photo!

The Demode Diva said...

Ah The Smiths have that effect on me too. Takes me back to a time when I was hurting, shy, and unsure of who I was.

Look at us now though, eh? two fab grown-up ladies!

Be proud of how far you've come and the life you have made for yourself xx

Sandy De Luxe said...

I do recognize myself. I had that period between 17 and 24. But I think that I came luckily through it. And I'm really glad that you did it as well! Love, from me

Mrs Munster said...

I don't know whether it's the way of the world today but it seems more and more young adults are going through unnecessary "though" time in their early 20's. Mine was quite a dark time in my life and I do still have a strong tendency to get depressed. Like you, finding the significant other does make every day so much easier. You two are adorable looking couple.

Kissen said...

Härligt att du känner så darling! :)

Dessutom!!!
Du har blivit utmanad hos mig:

http://sjukfan.blogspot.com/2009/02/sminkutmaning.html

Kom igen!

Kitten said...

Cute photo! Someone wise said that every morning is a new start, a chance to chose how you want live that day. All we have is now. The past will only define who you are today if you let it define you.

Glad you are in a better place in your life now. Take care!

Heather said...

g, I hope your thirtys offer you as much clearheaded insight as they have offred me, it is only now that I feel i am begginning to really dig through all the crap to find my true self.

Miriam Parkman said...

The photo of you two is so sweet!

I really recognize what you are writing about, even though I never have hurt myself. But, the thing with listening to music is to remember past periods, even if they are a bit shameful or heavy.